Groundhog's Day Meets Goodfellas
The clock doesn't wake me up. A half dozen cats, maybe more, surround the bed at 5 and begin taking turns hiking across my bladder. I can take this for only so long before I throw them off me with a yelp, race into guest bedroom bathroom where I experience what is often the highlight of my day, where it's just me, my pud and the sound of trickling water. The cats run downstairs and take their positions, leaving me to have this moment of bliss and quietude.
(There is, by the way, a bathroom in our bedroom, but it is HER domain and I am forbidden its use. I forgot to lift the lid once without turning on the light)
Anyway, I'm in the kitchen by 6:03, spooning out wet, rank cat food into 7 small bowls while waiting for the microwave to ding with my left-over-from-yesterday coffee before I set four bowls out in the kitchen, carry a couple upstairs where two anti-social felines are waiting to be served, then I run back downstairs, feed the dog some canned food with a chew stick on the side, then I take 15 minutes to drink my left-over re-heated coffee in front of the computer monitor, reading Emails or glancing at the New York Times to see if Hillary Clinton has dropped out of the race yet.
Around 6:25, I cram a banana in my mouth then race back upstairs to scoop cat shit from two litter boxes, race downstairs and scoop more cat shit from the downstairs cat boxes, set the bag o'shit outside, throw some bird feed on the ground then run back upstairs, shower, shave and dress for work.
I fly into work around 7 and prepare for my first class. I am teaching on the women's campus this semester and they're tough customers because unlike their Gulf Arab spoiled-beyond-the- pale male counterparts, the Gulf Arab young ladies honestly want to learn; education is really all they'll ever have--so I have to make up these engaging lesson plans that involve group work and games, bells, dogs shows, whistles, pony shows and puzzles targeting the language point of the day, language points that they will never need to remember like why exactly do we use "some" sometimes and why do we use"any" at other times?
I have this lesson in mind, but I won't use it because I need this job.
"Your teacher ain't gettin' any. His wife's out of town. But even when she's in town, he only gets some ."
I'm finished with morning classes at 11. Then I have to race home to slop the cats again. There's a Simpson's re-run that comes on at 11, so if I hurry I can feed the cats, water the dog, make a sammich and catch the last fifteen minutes of the show before I race back to work.
From 12 - 1, I prepare for the two afternoon classes and by 3, that part of the day, the working for money part, is over.
Then I have to be one of two places--the health club or at a friend's house where we've been rehearsing a dozen Beatles songs with a full band for an all Beatles songs night coming up at the local Brit club/pub. The health club takes an hour to get there and hour to drive back, adding two hours for classes and time to shower--that's it, that's the rest of the day.
Each of these after school events takes me up to 9 o'clock, close to bed time. Then I go home, visit the various cat food feeding stations, fill bowls, walk the dog, put on PJs and watch TV.
By 9:30 I am in bed, and by 5 the cat parade begins. Again. My life has been this for a month now, and it might go on for another three weeks.
Gotta go fill the bowls. Gotta scoop up shit. Gotta keep stirring the sauce.
There it is.
(There is, by the way, a bathroom in our bedroom, but it is HER domain and I am forbidden its use. I forgot to lift the lid once without turning on the light)
Anyway, I'm in the kitchen by 6:03, spooning out wet, rank cat food into 7 small bowls while waiting for the microwave to ding with my left-over-from-yesterday coffee before I set four bowls out in the kitchen, carry a couple upstairs where two anti-social felines are waiting to be served, then I run back downstairs, feed the dog some canned food with a chew stick on the side, then I take 15 minutes to drink my left-over re-heated coffee in front of the computer monitor, reading Emails or glancing at the New York Times to see if Hillary Clinton has dropped out of the race yet.
Around 6:25, I cram a banana in my mouth then race back upstairs to scoop cat shit from two litter boxes, race downstairs and scoop more cat shit from the downstairs cat boxes, set the bag o'shit outside, throw some bird feed on the ground then run back upstairs, shower, shave and dress for work.
I fly into work around 7 and prepare for my first class. I am teaching on the women's campus this semester and they're tough customers because unlike their Gulf Arab spoiled-beyond-the- pale male counterparts, the Gulf Arab young ladies honestly want to learn; education is really all they'll ever have--so I have to make up these engaging lesson plans that involve group work and games, bells, dogs shows, whistles, pony shows and puzzles targeting the language point of the day, language points that they will never need to remember like why exactly do we use "some" sometimes and why do we use"any" at other times?
I have this lesson in mind, but I won't use it because I need this job.
"Your teacher ain't gettin' any. His wife's out of town. But even when she's in town, he only gets some ."
I'm finished with morning classes at 11. Then I have to race home to slop the cats again. There's a Simpson's re-run that comes on at 11, so if I hurry I can feed the cats, water the dog, make a sammich and catch the last fifteen minutes of the show before I race back to work.
From 12 - 1, I prepare for the two afternoon classes and by 3, that part of the day, the working for money part, is over.
Then I have to be one of two places--the health club or at a friend's house where we've been rehearsing a dozen Beatles songs with a full band for an all Beatles songs night coming up at the local Brit club/pub. The health club takes an hour to get there and hour to drive back, adding two hours for classes and time to shower--that's it, that's the rest of the day.
Each of these after school events takes me up to 9 o'clock, close to bed time. Then I go home, visit the various cat food feeding stations, fill bowls, walk the dog, put on PJs and watch TV.
By 9:30 I am in bed, and by 5 the cat parade begins. Again. My life has been this for a month now, and it might go on for another three weeks.
Gotta go fill the bowls. Gotta scoop up shit. Gotta keep stirring the sauce.
There it is.
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6 Comments:
wow, good luck with that. but hey, that's why you're making the big bucks, right?
why does the Rose stay away so long? Can't she simply pass customs, get the stamp or whatever, and turn right around?
You guys have split shifts over there?
Sorry, someday I'll make the effort and register an identity.
el Gringo,
She went back to get restrictions lifted. She sent her paperwork in with a check five dollars over the amount needed. Naturally it was kicked back and the process had to start from scratch.
Anon: we have a two hour lunch break.
so, after restrictions are lifted, where does that leave you? !!!
After the restrictions are lifted we still have to get an annual stamp--in then out--which means a trip to one of three coasts--the gulf, the east or the west (I try to avoid fly-over country.
Somehow, the routine seems less routine, what with it being in the Arab Gulf. This, I know, is not true, not necessarily, but it SEEEEEEMS that way.
Yes, it does.
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