53 Today: What I Haven't Learned
How to shower with liquid soap. I am not sure if I use too much or if one has to use a lot. One squirt per body sector, right? Or do you stand outside of the spray and splurch a massive amount onto one sector, preferably a stubbly area that helps agitate the suds, then begin radiating full body from there?
What it means if something is "organic" and that something is not food. For example, recently someone described my guitar playing as "organic"--was I insulted? I've Googled things like "organic poetry" and know for a fact that nobody really seems to know what this trendy adjective means in the context of poetry, and if poets can't define it, then who can?
How to whistle through my fingers, blow bubble gum or burp on command--something every kid I grew up with seemed to master with inate ease.
How to really use chopsticks. I have my method, and it works, but anytime I've been in a Far off East Asian culture and have used them in front of Far off East Asians, someone invariably mutters something in a language I don't understand which produces polite but patronizing churtles and giggles all around the table.
How to eye ball the length of a football field. I never played football so when it is used as a unit of measurement, I haven't any idea just how long the damn thing is.
How to type without looking at the keyboard and use more than three fingers or, if I'm feeling frisky and lucky, maybe four fingers. Alongside this inability is using spell check. Spell check is something I usually brush off, like keeping elbows off tables, buckling seat belts before I put the car into gear, sitting up straight and not taking a pull on a communal milk bottle or carton.
Just what the fuck a matrix is.
How to correctly properly reverse my body after swimming the length of a swimming pool.
How to remember whether it's Griffin or Griffith for either Andy, Merv or Melanie.
How to comfortably sit cross legged; how to sit in a Lotus position (period!).
How to use "sardonic" in a sentence and know that I have accurately described the person who is being this (same goes for poignant).
How to relax when told to do so.
How to let it go when begged to do so.
How to fold sheets solo.
Ice skate.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost thing--although I am probably not the only one who doesn't know this.
How to use layers in Photoshop. I always have to tinker and usually I just get lucky and it happens.
The difference between being dramatic, overly dramatic and melodramatic. Boiling water is boiling water, am I right?
Relevant or Relevent?
The difference between pathos and bathos. I know the first is nicer than the second but both can hurt the feelings of a writer in a workshop whose work is being critiqued.
What it means if something is "organic" and that something is not food. For example, recently someone described my guitar playing as "organic"--was I insulted? I've Googled things like "organic poetry" and know for a fact that nobody really seems to know what this trendy adjective means in the context of poetry, and if poets can't define it, then who can?
How to whistle through my fingers, blow bubble gum or burp on command--something every kid I grew up with seemed to master with inate ease.
How to really use chopsticks. I have my method, and it works, but anytime I've been in a Far off East Asian culture and have used them in front of Far off East Asians, someone invariably mutters something in a language I don't understand which produces polite but patronizing churtles and giggles all around the table.
How to eye ball the length of a football field. I never played football so when it is used as a unit of measurement, I haven't any idea just how long the damn thing is.
How to type without looking at the keyboard and use more than three fingers or, if I'm feeling frisky and lucky, maybe four fingers. Alongside this inability is using spell check. Spell check is something I usually brush off, like keeping elbows off tables, buckling seat belts before I put the car into gear, sitting up straight and not taking a pull on a communal milk bottle or carton.
Just what the fuck a matrix is.
How to correctly properly reverse my body after swimming the length of a swimming pool.
How to remember whether it's Griffin or Griffith for either Andy, Merv or Melanie.
How to comfortably sit cross legged; how to sit in a Lotus position (period!).
How to use "sardonic" in a sentence and know that I have accurately described the person who is being this (same goes for poignant).
How to relax when told to do so.
How to let it go when begged to do so.
How to fold sheets solo.
Ice skate.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost thing--although I am probably not the only one who doesn't know this.
How to use layers in Photoshop. I always have to tinker and usually I just get lucky and it happens.
The difference between being dramatic, overly dramatic and melodramatic. Boiling water is boiling water, am I right?
Relevant or Relevent?
The difference between pathos and bathos. I know the first is nicer than the second but both can hurt the feelings of a writer in a workshop whose work is being critiqued.
That a three-way isn't as much fun as it looks in the movies.
Blind cat sharjah link
posted by 
10 Comments:
All day long it's taken me to get back here to say HAPPPPPY Birthday!!
Aren't you pleased that you've got so much stuff to occupy yourself with? It'll take, at a minimum, ten years to fit all of it in, assuming you have those other, standard obligations.
I was thinking the organic one would only take you a week or so of dedicated reflection, but ... as you've had 53 years and, apparently, through up your hands at first sight, you can probably stretch it for another couple of years. (See, I was willing to help you out, but I don't want to interfere with a pretty damned good reason to live.) :)
Happiest. So sincerely!!
Booda--you comments are organic, sardonic and poignant and relevant. . .I think.
And bath-etic, too. I think.
"through up your hands" ?? I must have been trying not to be vulgar. Or is that 'to not be vulgar.'
That one will keep ME entertained for years to come. not to. to not.
Does anyone care?
Happy DAY AFTER birthday. Did you have cake? I love birthday cake.
Two cakes. I'm a big man on campus--but I'm working out now, so. . .
Oh a happy belated to you my friend. I loved this post, I did I did. Also, splurch? Fantastic.
It's such an organic word, don'chya think?
Wonderful post!
I am with you on almost all those things you have yet to learn.
Happy Birthday!
Chopsticks aren't really all they're cracked up to be.
I suspect those foreign mutterings are usually translated as,'So that's how it's done!'..
Happy birthday!
Ha! Thanks Sling. Yes, once in a Thai restaurant a waitress told me rather patronizingly that they were out of chopsticks, but they did have forks which many people in Thailand were now using. I still left her a nice tip.
Thanks for the birthday wish young whippersnapper.
Hat: Yeah, to splurch--it's an irregular verb:
I splurch/I splaurch/I have splaurch
sageweb:
Have you found out what organic means when we don't talk about food? I really want to know. I think it means original, but if that is the case then who chose to 86 "original" and replace it with "organic"? Nobody asked me for my vote.
great post.
Post a Comment
<< Home