They Have Names, Y'Know

I first heard the term when older brothers of my friends returned from 13 months in Vietnam. This would have been my early teens to mid-teens. Mostly, the older brothers weren't much interested in talking about the war. They were mostly interested in getting on with their youths. They would rather not talk about it unless they wanted to shock us with stories about the sex and the drugs, you know, remembering the best of times.

They returned with stories exotica, stories of government issue vials of amyl nitrate and the ease of buying China white heroin, or what a hoot it was to zone out on Thai stick while under attack at night, mesmerized by the tracer rounds zapping back and forth which lit up the night sky like a shower of shooting stars. They told us about furloughs in Bangkok where these good  American boys paid for sex tricks like "the swinging chandelier" which required at least three prostitutes to make it happen. These prostitutes were referred to with a military-like acronym--L.B.F.M.s.(Be careful how you use it and who you use it around; it is the South East Asian "N" word". A very, very bad word).

We. the younger brothers thought that if the war ended before we turned 18, we'd be lucky--we were not impatiently waiting our turn to join the fight--this was 1968, 1969, 1970, not 1917 or 1941. But. If still being drafted in 1973, '74, '75 and the U.S. was still calling on us to stop the Southeast Asian red dominoes from tumbling, the odds, we thought, were on our side for coming home in one piece and there was a place called Bangkok and there were these L.B.F.M.s we'd heard so much about waiting for us. 

Acronym speak is military speak. For example, a sergeant barks, "Before you climb into your A.P.C. remember to collect your TA-50, a three day issue of C-Rats, and you F.N.G.s don't forget to keep your M-16s on safe. We will be encountering V.C. and N.V.A. and I do not want one swinging dick coming back K.I.A. or even W.I.A. so for tonight and the next four weeks, Jody, not you, will be hugging and kissing your L.B.F.M."

L.B.F.M.--Little Brown Fucking Machines. On the one hand, yes, of course, a truly offensive term, no argument there. As I've said,  a Southeast Asian "N" word. On the other hand, in many villages throughout North Eastern Thailand, Isaan in particular, many, if not all families have at least one daughter who is destined to become one day an L.B.F.M. The family depends on it. They should expect to work as prostitutes the way other family members are expected to grow and harvest the rice or the better yet, work even more thoughtlessly, on auto-pilot, more mechanically, like a machine, like a tractor or a rice thrasher, a not-quite-human mechanical object that works for the family in an occupation that did not, as I was taught in college, come about as a result of the days when L.B.J. sent in the U.S.M.C to fight the N.V.A. 

Thailand is a country never colonized by white guys. It is one area where white guys were not expected to carry a burden.

Thailand is a country with a history of concubinage, not so unique in Asia. And places like Isaan, not too far from Chiang Mai, are areas in Northeast Thailand where those who had it all used to shop around for their concubines because Isaan produces not only a lot of rice and some finger licking good rat meat, but Isaan has always yielded a bumper crop of extra daughters whose destiny was (and still is) upon reaching puberty to leave the family and go hang out somewhere, day-after-day, night-after-night, waiting to be fucked in order to support her family. It was and still is the duty of at least one daughter. And it is not anything new.

Families whose daughters left home were and still are thought of by kinfolk as not much more than farm machinery and like all farm machines, they help to ease the workload of toil, sweat and the real possibility of famine. The day these chosen daughters leave home is a day that gives their families a promising future of the La Dolce Vita.


Today, concubinage is officially prohibited but there's a work-around. Prostitution is unofficially a socially accepted (or socially resigned to) occupation. It is seen by these farming families as not so different than helping out, milking cows, gathering eggs, swinging a scythe in the rice paddies. They send their earnings home to the family who these days are not just content with golden rings and an iron rice bowl; the brothers need electric guitars and motorcycles, the sisters need an education and Hello Kitty sneakers, the parents need satellite dishes and H.D. TVs.  The liquor cabinet must have a well-stocked supply of Johnny Walker Red. 

I think more accurately they might be referred to as L.B.F.C.s--the "C" standing for cog, because in a society that has functioned for a thousand years like the same machine it is today, where Maslow's hierarchy of needs peak at "saving face" (gaining the admiration of respect of your neighbors). The household needs stuff, and the family must be the talk of the town, renowned for being a family who can afford to do a lot of hanging out, sleep late, wake up late, gamble often and one capable of throwing parties legendary in the retelling.

Self actualization (a western conceit) is realized by having more neat stuff than the folks next door; I see much of Thailand thinking of itself as a society which runs like a well maintained, highly profitable farm, and a well maintained, highly profitable farm is one which usually profits best buy skillfully implementing the use of all family members in its well-oiled machinery, including in some rural areas at least one daughter whose chores do not include getting up before dawn, but getting home just before sunrise.